Hits fishin tam agin

Hit wuz a rat long winner hyar in Miniapples. Hit snoad an snoad an snoad. Hit warnt jist two offal cold. Thish hyar ole hillbilly didden haff tuh ware but too pare of long jons unnernaith his bib overhauls. Corse, Ah kaip muhseff purdy well warmd up hinfernally threw drankin muh speshul rokkit fule mash. Hwin its rat cold, Ah jist up muh daily rashin of mash fum fore kwarts tuh fav er ate. Hwin Ah git rat well topt off, Ah melt thuh snow roun me as Ah walk. 

Ennywaze, hits got tuh hware Ah kin go a-fishin agin. Ah dun bin owt wunst er twast, but Ah aint cott nuthin yit. Ah wreckin Ah’ll hav tuh git me sum wurms er minners.

Moast aivnins Ah sit owt on muh back poarch. Thuh skeeters is gittin kanly thick, soze Ah bin smoakin muh pap tuh drav em off.

Jist a liddle hint: hwin ewe go tuh lat up yore pap, maik shore yore jug of mash is capt off. I dun bload up thray er fore thet way . . .

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5 Comments

  1. Thats a offal nass sijjeshjin, Mizz Gater Woman. But mah turny kawls me up ever now an thin, an he tells me that Ah got me ate er twell warnts owt on me in Floorda. Terns out, Floorda hez dun got hitseff a passle of revnooers, an thay aint got nuthin bedder tuh dew then look owt fer fellers aint dewin nuthin moarn heppin foaks hoo lack a liddle sip of mash evver now an thin.

    Em air ledgy slaters say thaze a kaipin up the laws fer the heth of air constitchy–constitch–dern it awl, em air foaks thet git paid tuh vote fer air party. Ah wreckin they iz moasly a-kaipin em drunkt up, so doant nobawdy no hwats a-happnin.

    But Ah’ll shore nuff kaip yore sujjishjin in mand. An iffen ewe hyar sumthin rown bowt yore howse sum nat, hwisslin thuh Andy Griffith Show theem song, doant far off yore twel-gaij till yuh dun maid shore aint no ole hillbilly a-haddin in the cain brake, a-trahin tuh snake in past thuh revvnooers.

  2. I don’t understand a word of your dialect (but then I am just an ignorant Norwegian), but I do understand Moonshine. As Gator says, take care when using (but maybe you only use it for shaving)! I love the inscription on the can sating the use of in content. Great picture!

  3. Wun of muh naibers dun translaitid thish hyar poast fer yuh, Mr. Munchow:

    “It was a remarkably long winter here in Minneapolis. It snowed frequently, but I did not find the temperatures desperately cold. I remained delightfully warm by adopting the simple expedient of wearing an additional layer of undergarments beneath my usual attire. Further, I maintained a high degree of internal comfort by imbibing unaged ardent spirits (“aguardiente,” in the delightful language of the poet of “El Cid”), said spirits being a product of my own modest craft. During particularly cold snaps, I stoke the internal fires by taking a few additional sips of my simple drink. With my spirits thus elevated, the snows seem to melt away from me as I take my usual postprandial constitutional.

    “In any event, the weather has now begun to cooperate to the extent that one can engage in the grand and ancient sport of piscatorial pursuit–a sport that has earned the attention of such notable scribes as Sir Izaak Walton. May his name be ever remembered! I have myself engaged a few times recently in attempting to tease from their dark and liquid homes the fishy denizens of the deeps. Regrettably, my exercises have come to nought. I shudder to say it, but I may find myself obligated to pursue my finned prey using living creatures–to wit, earthworms and minnows.

    “In general, I enjoy the post meridian crepuscular hours sitting on the back deck of my spacious abode. There I am sometimes troubled by mosquitoes, those winged nemeses of all Minnesotans. To combat these ill-tempered beasts, I create around myself a plume of aromatic smoke from my (Missouri) Meerschaum.

    “In that regard, let me offer un morceau of advice: One is advised, before applying flint to steel, to ensure that one’s container of aqua vitae is adequately sealed, lest the flame seek out the fumes thereof, with the unpleasant consequence of an explosion. I have personally experienced the misfortune of obliterating several containers of my own uisce beatha through inattention to this apparently trivial detail.”

    Ah hoap this hepps ewe Mr. Munchow. Hit shore doant main nuthin tuh this ole hillbilly.

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