The ole hillbilly on maikin mash

Deer ole hillbilly,

Ah hev red yore book Makin Mash the Hillbilly Way, an Ah hev follered yore dreckshuns rullijussly. Thoanly thang is, muh mash hez got a terrbull hwang to it. Hwin Ah uncork a jug, hit kills skeeters fer haff a country mahl. Hev ewe got enny ideear as tuh hwut wint rong with muh mash?

Sanned,

Failin the pang of hwang

Deer hwang pang,

Ah am gonna take it fer granit thet ewe hev yoozed ewe a kopper kittle an a kopper wurm. Aint no yooce a thankin, Ahll jiss run thish hyar mash thew an ole raidyaiter. Hit aint a-gonna taist rat iffen ewe dew it, an yooze a-runnin the risk a blandin yore kusstimmers. Aint no yooce in blandin yore kusstimmers. Yooze aimin fer rupait kusstimmers, an bland kusstimmers is gonna have a hard tam fandin thair way tuh yer dore. Hit doant madder how good the mash smezz, a feller aint gonna fand it iffen haze bland.

Ennywaze, Ahm a-soomin thet ewe is dewin evverthang else jiss rat. Iffen thets the case, thin moar lackly thin not, ewe hev got ewe a raccoon er mebbe a possum er two in yer mash. Yood bess git out yore net an go a-dippin in the mash barl.

Now, they is fellers’ll tell ewe, a coon er possum er two doant make no nevver mand. But thems the same folks thettle bile air mash thew raidyaiters. An thems the same folks thettle sell ewe thet ole thump-kaig hwisky. The ole hillbilly doant hole nun with thump-kaig hwisky. Hit aint as smooth as the dubble-run mash discrabbed in muh book.

So ewe git yoreseff a-dippin with at air net. Ah wreckin yule soon dip ewe up a coon er possum er two, an mebbe a kupple of aich.

Yoars trewly,

The ole hillbilly

PS: Iffen ewe doant mand, sind me a kupple of jugs of at air mash with the hwang to it. Iffen ittle drav off skeeters, Ah wreckin Ah got me sum new after-shave.

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